I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
