I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
