dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Randomize