got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
