I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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