I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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