omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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