need another drink. this is the easiest way
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
