I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Randomize
