They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
