i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
