it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
They took my balls.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
