eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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