just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
