I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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