Define "chronic" masturbator.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
