and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
