i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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