I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
