They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
