if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It was confusing and full of hummus
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
