I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
