Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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