you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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