If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
