my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
