fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
