R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
