I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
how drunk are you?
Several
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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