At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
You're like the curious george of whores
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
