i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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