i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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