I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
