I want to make a zoo with you.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
