FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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