I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I wish I only lived at night.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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