he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
