I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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