I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
