you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
