woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
