if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
