i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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