I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
There's always time for handjobs
Tornado booty call.. dedication
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
