Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
