I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
