i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
