Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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