I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
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