Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
vagina is talking i cant
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
