So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
