So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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