Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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