You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize