Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
