Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
