dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
