Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
