suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
