if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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