I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
