Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
farters have to be the big spoon...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
