you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
