Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
