is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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