he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
