so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
