Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
