Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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