i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
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